I Wanna Wish You a Merry (Belated) Christmas…

I am a Christmas Incompetent. For a couple years during my late twenties, I managed to mail Christmas cards and presents to everyone who I wanted to mail cards and presents to. All in time for Christmas. “Now,” I said to myself, “I am at last an adult.” Then I started having babies, and everything went to pot. For years now, I have been lucky to get the kids’ stockings filled on the right night. When they were very little, I did actually hit the wrong day a few times…. “It’s OK,” I reassured my husband. “There are 12 days of Christmas.”

Now that the children are old enough to keep me on schedule, I almost never miss Christmas Day. Well, OK, last year we ate the turkey on Christmas Day and the mashed potatoes and pie and the rest of the fixins’ on the 26th… but that was because I had a cold… OK, it wasn’t actually pie. I had forgotten to buy a crust, and I decided to just cook the pie filling with an extra egg and call it pumpkin custard, instead of making a crust from scratch. It’s not like anyone in the household eats the crust anyway.

There are some advantages to being incompetent. Christmas trees are cheaper. I generally go out and buy a tree on December 23rd. My favorite price is Free, which sometimes happens when the nice Tree Farm Man is busy with other things and he waves his hand at me and says, “Aw, just take it.” Other times it’s a different not-so-busy nice Tree Farm Man, and he says, “Name your price.” Then, of course, I actually have to pay something, because it would be embarrassing to ask for a tree for free. So I generally give myself a 50% discount, and he says, “Sold!” and then he carries it to my van and helps me load it. I figure if I were to give myself a 75% discount, I’d probably have to load it myself, like the Free trees. A small price to pay.

Luckily for me, there is an ancient tradition of decorating the Christmas tree on Christmas Eve, and I can pretend to my children that we are reviving an old tradition, which is easier than telling the kids, “Hey, Mama’s cheap and incompetent, whaddaya want?” Actually, it seems to work well. The kids stay busy all day on Christmas Eve, decorating the tree and the house, and by evening everything is downright festive, from the tree loaded down with the ornaments they’ve made for me over the years, to the Christmas lights strung around the dining room and draped over the big “Feliz Navidad” banner (you haven’t seen cute until you’ve seen snowmen in sombreros). By the end of the day, they’re tuckered out and ready to take a long winter’s nap.

This year, I had to trot out another old tradition. On the last day of school, my 11-year-old daughter came home from school with a present from a friend. “Mom, I want to give Hosanna something. Look at these cute slippers she gave me.” Well, of course. What an excellent idea. Then day slipped into day, and it was Christmas Eve and we hadn’t put together a present . Oh, worried, tense, 11-year-old. “Mo – o – om!”

“Now, sweetheart, don’t worry. The last traditional day for giving gifts at the Christmas season is Three Kings Day. That’s on January 6th. We’ll put together a gift for Hosanna, and anyone else we’ve missed for Christmas, and we’ll make sure they get their gifts then.” Big, happy, relieved, 11-year-old smile. Three Kings Day: The last refuge of the incompetent. She’s been bustling around for days now, making fudge and beading and painting and wrapping…. It looks like Three Kings Day gifts may work out well. The kids are on vacation for a week after Christmas, and this gives them time to make gifts. Not to mention, the Christmas gift wraps and such are all 50% off or better, which of course makes cheap Mama happy. This Three Kings stuff may become a household tradition.

I used to worry about my incompetence. I still often wish I was competent and organized and could accomplish all the things that I would like to accomplish for the people I love at Christmas time. But my mother once told me, “Do everything you can do, and let go of the rest. If you can’t get it done anyway, there’s no point in worrying about it.” She’s a good mom. When I was young, we once decorated a Christmas tree on New Year’s Eve. We were kinda busy with other things that year. It was a very pleasant way to spend New Year’s Eve, actually.

I think the children are beginning to follow in the family tradition. This Christmas Eve, as I was putting them all to bed, I pointed out that they hadn’t left any cookies or milk or beer or anything for Santa. “How is Santa going to keep up his strength without a snack?”

“Aw, that’s ok, Mom. We’ll leave him something tomorrow night.” That’s my babies!